A Selfish Revelation

Yesterday while I was at work at my “other job” (waiting tables at an Italian restaurant) I came to the realization that I’m an incredibly selfish person.

When food is up in the window I will skip over other people’s orders that have been there longer than mine in order to take my food out to my table (even though we are supposed to run food for everyone and in the order that it came up).  I get annoyed when a fellow server reaches over me for the ice scoop and begins filling glasses with ice while I’m still at the drink machine filling my glasses, even though I often do the same thing.  My concern for the success of my fellow employees or for the company as a whole only goes as far as it directly impacts me and the amount of money that I make.

My selfishness extends far beyond the workplace and my desire to maximize my income, regardless of how it affects those around me.  My selfishness extends deep into my spiritual life.  I want to be spiritual and grow closer to God for my own sake, but not for the sake of others.  My desire to help others grow spiritually really only goes as deep as my desire to make myself feel good for helping them.  It’s not the least bit altruistic, but rather it is incredibly selfish.

I’m reminded that, as the prophet Isaiah said, our “righteous acts are filthy rags” to God.  Even my good deeds are an extension of my selfishness, and as such, God doesn’t see them as good, he sees them as filthy rags.  Indeed some good may be done through my actions, but it is in spite of myself, not because of me.  It is only by the power of God through me that good comes of my selfishly motivated spirituality.

I’m so selfish that I often keep the good news of Christ to myself.  I have been saved by God’s grace, but instead of sharing this with others and introducing them to Christ so that they also might be saved, I keep quiet.  If I truly loved and cared for those around me, I would be sharing the message of Jesus Christ every chance I got.

As a human, I have a sin nature and I am motivated by a desire to do what benefits me.  Being humble and acting selflessly is not a natural thing to do.  I need to learn to consider the needs of others and place them above my own.  I can’t do this on my own.  Only God can transform me and help me to become the being that He desires for me to be.

Heavenly Father, help me to overcome my selfishness.  Help me to see people and care for them and their needs, instead of placing all of their value in how they can help me.  Make me to be more like your son Christ, who put others ahead of himself.  Allow me to see the needs of others and give me a desire to help people for their sake, and not for my own.  Make me into the person you want me to be, motivated by love, and not by selfishness.  In Jesus name, amen.